Welcome to my world, where, fear lingers at extreme ends of any feeling.
I am the kind of person who is scared to be too excited, to expect something big…or something too small. I am scared of caring too much or absolutely letting go. Scared to purely hate and despise something, or someone, and of course, loving too deeply is petrifying as well.
“Because it’s risky”. Because vulnerability isn’t all too common, or normal, for a layman like myself. And pain? Although it’s inevitable, it hurts the most when you have given your all. I am the kind of child to nibble at the last bit of my meat chunk because it’s almost over. But I don’t want it to finish. Or when eating stewed fish, I would just suck the life out of it, and not swallow the steak. So at least I would still have something in view; something I could still hold on to.
But, what we fail to see at the moment is that such simple doings lead up to even greater dealings; to the sense that, even if I want to succeed, I’d think that I do not want to be too successful. That even if I want to dream on major keys, I have to be sure that something is tugging my wing as I fly, as if to keep me conscious not to go too far, not to fly too high. Tugging to reality, if not just mere pessimism. And you know it’s bad when you won’t dare finish a novel, because it will completely shatter the crevices, already formed by the storyline twist, inside you mind due to the untimely end.
(Un)fortunately, it is as real as it sounds.
This calls for wisdom. The knowledge that going to the extremes may not always be for the worst. In fact, all those who can pair with me, I feel sorry for you, for us, for not being able to experience life to the maximum. I have no idea what we’re missing. On the bright side though, we can always make progress, to change to a realm of positivity and enjoying life in abundance. So that when you’re having fun, YOU HAVE FUN and when you love something, or someone, you LOVE with all that you have. If you are a child, BE A CHILD. It’s the only way to legitimately live, without merely existing.
Atleast for me, the few things I know that I can do to the extremes, consciously, are to gobble up a bunch of baby bananas in one sitting, whisper a prayer for someone I happen to think of during the day…and love babies.
For the record, the featured image is my very first soon-to-be-delivered order, called “Progress”. Thank you René for saving me the trouble to find it’s name. It’s an abstract piece, acrylics on canvas. Interpret it as you may. Or if you like, just savour the emotions it exerts within you.