(Heads up: This is a rant.)

Honestly, a few of my neighbours are in the pursuit to kill my urinary bladder. My mother’s hygiene lessons have never felt any more significant in my life than they have been in the past few weeks. And today.

In my few years of living, this little, old soul has been keen to notice a surprisingly common disability of humanoids to flush the toilet. (Inner voice: louder for the people at the back) Oh, THE INABILITY TO FLUSH TOILETS!

Have you at any point in your life been so pressed either for a long or short call of nature, and after successfully concealing the internal rage of insanity and high for a remarkably long time in public, you rush to the comfort of your washroom only to find another human’s calling staring right back at you? 💩 (Apparently, this is supposed to be an ice cream emoji, but, it seems to be serving its “purpose” very diligently right now, so I’ll leave you to it).

Anyway, back to the story. Depending on your current situation, you may resolve to look for another toilet (also not flushed 😭), and the next one…same story, and the last one has no toilet paper. (There’s just no winning in life). So, life happens, and the only option you have left is to hold it in.

Moment of silence, for the amazing work of THE sphincter muscles.

I would like to just hang it out there right about now. Peeing and pooping are solemn biological activities that ought to be given the respect they deserve. I’m being very soulful right now. Allow me to surmise, that this is a problem that faces more that just my “neighbourhood”. Lucky are those who simply have their personal toilets. That is a blessing you should be grateful for. Every. Single. Day. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to walk in my gumboots.

You know, the most ridiculous part is that… I don’t understand why anyone would do that? Like, do you think your poop is eye candy? Or that your pee smells like rose water? Come on, even cats have more decorum than some of us humans. Diving right into my mum’s vocabulary, “Utaishi dunia ya nani?” Translated to “Whose world will you live in?” (Sounds better in Swahili with the juicy Tanzanian accent.) Surely though, what does it matter who you are if you simply cannot flush the toilet after your done with you business?

I don’t understand. Does it take a fortune for you to do so? Do you need some kind of validation on the significance of hygiene? (Granting that right now! It’s good to flush the toilet). Does toilet flushing spell curses to your third and fourth generation? I mean, are you not disturbed by people seeing your calls? Aren’t humans just strange?

My appeal today dear, is that would you KINDLY flush that toilet. Flush it like you’re being paid to do so; if at all the thought of receiving money drives you to do so, go for it! Or better yet, imagine that you’ll be the next one using the washroom after you. Or simply be thoughtful enough to leave it clean for whoever else is going to be next. Because is courteous to do. I bet it’s a pleasant feeling to walk into a clean toilet. (If you don’t think so, please be reincarnated to a cockroach in your next life (if that’s even a thing – I don’t think it’s a thing, I’m just saying). You don’t deserve to live with the humans. There you can be in harmony with your brothers and sisters, 🙂 if at all cockroaches have genders).

Oh, and do you know what the worst part is? When you know which one of your neighbors hasn’t flushed the darn toilet! I’m trying to figure out how I could still treat them with genuine, utmost respect.
Bless my soul.